Do you remember that feeling you used to get as a little kid the night before Christmas? I'd want so badly to go to sleep but it felt like my heart weighed a quadrillion pounds due to all of the excitement. I got this feeling the night before Christmas Eve, Christmas, Mamaw's Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, Halloween, Labor Day (uhhh...the rides, of course), and any other event/day/holiday that meant the next day guaranteed candy eating. I really want you to hone in on that feeling...that your stomach is going to fall out of your butt feeling...do you have it? Now, take that feeling multiply it by a million, drink four Red Bulls, snort a Pixie Stick, mainline a Mountain Dew, rob a bank, and top it off with some Starbucks because ladies and gentlemen, that is exactly what I feel like right now. And it's all because it's the night before....CHEAT DAY!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The cheat day sets a new standard of being pumped. I feel like I could conquer the world, which is rare because this diet has drained me of energy, intelligence, coordination, and really good "your momma" jokes. Seriously, I have been so off kilter that I quit fixing my hair all together. It was just too hard a task. But today, I'm like, "Bring it on!!!!" Literally, when asked, "Hey, Abigail, do you want to come out tonight and demonstrate Tahitian Belly Dancing at the Gateway Luau?" I answered excitedly, "Uhhhh...yeah!!!! I'll be there with flowers on!!" Never mind the fact that I had no idea what that was, I didn't have the music, nor have been coordinated at all to master this skill in a day. Reuben and I Youtube-d a video of it, and then he looked at me and said, "The things you get yourself into." Did I care, though? Yeah, a little bit, I started to panic, but then I remembered that tomorrow is cheat day, and all stress went away. When talking more about cheat day with Reuben, I got teary eyed because I was so freakishly excited. I did that whole crying-laughing-don't-throw-up routine for a minute or two before I pulled myself together and started menu planning. BTW: the dance went well.
Now, if you remember the guidelines for this diet, I didn't have much wiggle room for anything fun. The first challenge is to go for the first ten days without any possible cheats, and I didn't cheat once. Well, after the first ten days, I could have my cheat day, but that landed on Wednesday...who cheats on a Wednesday? So I pushed through Thursday, Friday, and today because I had to work, and I wanted my cheat day to be an open calorie filled day that I could share with my husband, hence, tomorrow. The beautiful thing is that I have to have a cheat day; it resets my metabolism for the week. I don't know? I didn't write the book. All I know is that it's the most genius thing I've heard ever. My cheat day can be utterly stupid; there are no rules. I have so many plans for tomorrow that I just don't know what I'm going to do. I made a cake tonight!!! For crying out loud, a whole cake is sitting in the fridge waiting for my fork, and that's just what I'm going to eat before breakfast. Tim Ferriss is going to have to rewrite his book and use me as an example as what not to do on one's cheat day.
COFFEE...I swear, I am going to use full fat creamer and a cup of sugar. I'll be able to eat my coffee with a spatula because it's gonna be so thick. Kit Kats, they're in the freezer; I've been stock piling them through the week. Pancakes, oh pancakes, tomorrow, I'm going to make a pancake-french toast sandwich and deep fry it in funnel cake batter and top it off with sausage gravy and blueberry doughnut holes. I will literally make my pizza so saucy and cheesy that I will walk down the street and slap someone through the face because they are missing out on something life fulfilling. Apples, holy moly, apples didn't make the cut for tomorrow; sorry, guys, maybe next cheat day. Gummy Bears, treat this as a warning.
I told Reuben that he might be embarrassed of me tomorrow. I'm going to destroy my body so badly that I'm going to make a Sumo wrestler look like he has an eating disorder. Sometimes I stop to think if I should get that crazy with the whole cheat day theme. Just because I can doesn't mean I should. I think about those same words when I hear someone wants to get pregnant...cough cough...Snooki...cough. Before I went on the Slow Carb diet, I was still really diligent about what I ate. I didn't go around eating crap all of the time; I lived off fruit, dairy, and bread...the three things I can't have at all. In that case, I plan to make sure to have those tomorrow: Chocolate Walnut Sourdough Banana Bread (fruit...check; bread...check) for breakfast; Fudgy Peanut Butter Icebox Cake (cream cheese = dairy...check) for snack; and Kit Kats (vegetable...check) for any of those moments I find myself not chewing. After church, I'm pitching a tent at the Mitchell's Breakfast Buffet. I'm literally going to set up camp and eat until they feel the need to charge me for another meal. Let's be honest, I'll probably put a straw in the syrup.
If you remember, I did say that I was going to weigh in and keep everyone posted on the results. Well, the results are I hate your face and tomorrow is my cheat day and I'm takin' it no matter what that blasted scale said!!!! Needless to say, I didn't lose weight...in fact, I weighed two pounds more than what I did when I started the diet. However, when I started the diet, I was a week into a new lifting regimen. Now, I'm three weeks into the lifting schedule, and I do feel stronger. I'm not creating excuses, though, there's a reason that I gained the two pounds. Since I've been doing this, my stomach abilities have come to a screeching halt, if you know what I mean. But I don't mind so much because now I get to drink Metamucil in the mornings, and that's the closest thing I have to a dessert. I don't know why I gained the weight; Reuben told that happens sometimes and to just stick with it. I didn't take my measurements, either. I decided the bathing suit pictures and measurements will be a once month thing. August 8th, I'll update my pictures and do a little before and after comparisons.
Okie dokie, I need to hurry up and go to bed because the sooner I sleep, the sooner I eat!!! Yay, for CHEAT DAY!!!!
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