Okay, Followers, we did it! We've made it to the month of September, the fourth month of existence for this blog. I remember the day I wanted to start this blog, and this is a true story....as much as I want to hide in the closet about it, here it goes...
Again, everyone knows that I married my husband in Korea on very short notice. We had a plan to get married in the states when he came home on leave, but we just couldn't wait another minute. So with me being a girl with a bit too much estrogen, I did what all brides do and started planning, hence, bridal portraits! Yep, bridal portraits after the marriage. My girlfriend, Shannon, introduced me to an incredible photographer, April Sirit, a couple of years ago, and I wanted her to do them (this story has a point). April lives in Raleigh, which meant a four to five hour road trip for this girl...dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn (the evil, foreboding music notes). What happens when Abigail drives??? She sleeps! I'm a narcoleptic driver...serious as my cellulite. And it's instantly; by the time I hit Asheville -BAM- I'm out, and there goes Sadie (my car's name) holding her own. So, what do I do to keep myself awake? Eat!!! What do I eat? Multiple fast food drive-thru items!!! Remember when I said in the introduction that I was a dieting-food-junkie?...yeah.
The car is my safe place. I can eat whatever I want and as much as I want, and I want a lot...from everywhere. I am literally that person that acts like I'm ordering food for other people just so no one judges me. I throw out pronouns like "she" or "they" ("I think they said no lettuce on that burger, please...") and I order food for these false people, with a diet coke of course. Ummm, I'd venture to say that one day you could see me on episode of Intervention because I went to the point of shooting up pancake syrup, dehydrating and crushing burritos so I could snort them, and liquefying cheese fries to put in an IV bag so I could mainline them...ooooohhhhhh yyyyeeeaaaahhhh. Back to my story, so I'm falling asleep at noon in the car and decide it's fast food time. I get my goods and my diet coke and get back on the road. With each bite that I am taking, I'm thinking about my wedding dress; the same wedding dress that I tried on that morning just to make sure it zipped up. That concern was lost somewhere between a taco and a chicken nugget. For the entire drive, I'm asking myself why I do what I do in the car, and that's when I finally told myself that I had a problem, and I needed help, and at that time my inner-fat kid told me that help was at the next exit in a Dairy Queen. I did not go to the Dairy Queen! I called my husband (aka my sponsor for not being a food junkie) and told him that I had an idea: "I want to create a blog addressing weight issues and concerns and other related obsessions that I have because I know there has to be someone else who does this to themselves!!! I want to feel better about being me..." Needless to say, by the time the photo session started, I was sweating out french fries and guilt, but I was motivated to live my life differently. I was thrilled!!! I got back in my car and swore I would start that minute! Okay, well, maybe after this milkshake; I'll start after the milkshake! Yes, a new life for Abigail, when I'm done with this hotdog, a new life for this girl! Whoo hoo, alright, yes, empowered, I will feel empowered when I finish both of these combos from Arby's! I'm stoked, I can't wait, this is sooooo exciting, after this McFlurry, I am totally hammering out this idea....(sad to say, I speak truth about everything I ate on my way home).
The next morning, I felt defeated. We do that, though, don't we? We get ourselves really jazzed about living a healthier life. We go to the store to buy all sorts of fruits and veggies, spending a ton of money, but that's okay because it's promoting a healthy life and we're worth it. We buy workout clothes, new tennis shoes, download songs, kiss our Jane Fonda poster, and hit the road for our first run, and we're running. Oh yeah, we're running, and it feels good. Oh yeah, people are driving by and saying, "Oh, I should run like her," and we're like, "Yeah buddy, this workout counts double because I'm doing it in public, whoo hoo..." and then we start breathing hard, and oops, side stitch, that's okay, breathe differently, and wow, what is my toe doing, is there a rock in my shoe??? Nope, it's just my toe freaking out, but I'm doing great. Yeah, doing good, getting to the end of the road, taking a right turn, uh oh, a hill, avoiding the right turn and taking a left, yes...sweet...going left takes me down hill. And we're still running, and we're doing okay, and yeah, okay, here we go, and we're jogging, and why do my lips feel dry? Hmm...it's okay, lips get dry, and yeah, I'm doing a little less than okay, and wow, ten minutes have gone by, let's walk it out, oh yeah, and we're walking it out...! We feel great! We did it! Let's celebrate with a piece of cake because, hey, we did go out work out today...(sound familiar). We wake up, sore, feeling terrible that we ate the cake, and we give up because we feel defeated...but Monday, we'll start next Monday...Monday for sure!
We all do it, and that's because we lack the ability to find balance at that moment (a future post topic). It took a few days, but I decided to go forward with the idea of a blog, mainly because I desperately needed to know that I wasn't alone, and throughout this journey, I've learned that I'm not. Again, I blame estrogen. The emails, facebook messages, and responses that I get provide so much nurture. This helps me every day. So, my point is that even though I stalled about making a commitment to this, I did it, and I'll continue to do it. I am proud to report that I have not had another series of drive-thru marathons; however, I will admit that one night I did eat two meals from the Waffle House, but since then, I've been clean. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I don't have a car over here in Korea, nor a Korea driver's license, nor are there drive-thrus. Nope, it has nothing to do with that. The amount of bakeries across the street have nothing to do with any new addictions that I might have, uh huh, not this girl...(guilty face). Thank you for following me for three to four months now and letting me get some things off of my chest. I wanted to use this post to remind you that we're in this together! We're a group of estrogen abused girls who exhaust ourselves daily by dieting and hating others...so I'd say that we're pretty much normal.
No comments:
Post a Comment