I miss having my own classroom. I do, I do. I miss my high school students and the positive relationship I had with all of them; I miss the school dances and fundraisers; I miss those moments where I actually see them understand what I'm talking about; I miss those moments where I actually see them dismiss what I'm talking about; I miss coaching cheerleading and watching my girls perform while wearing their argyle knee socks (oh yeah, my squad was killer cute); I miss finding out a student got their license leaving me to take a different/safer route to work; I miss finding the answer marked "True" when it was actually a multiple choice question (a,b,c,d); I miss those times where they had better come backs than I did; I miss hearing my female students talk about how he's the one because he held her hand in front of what's her face who he used to date on and off for six and half months but now by holding her hand in front of what's her face proves that he might change his Facebook status from Emotionally Damaged to Getting There Slowly and he's just so awesome because he has thirty-two different safety pins in his jeans; I miss seeing that same boy that she's lushing over just shrug his shoulders while saying, "Whatever..."; I miss it all. I do enjoy what I'm doing now, though. It's an experience worth having, but there's just something about that connection I can have with my own students. Oh, it warms my heart to pieces.
I was so thankful for all of those little classroom moments, even the ones that made me want to go back to college and choose a different major, but now that they're in the past, I miss them; I am thankful for the memories. That famous saying, "You never know what you have until it's gone," is true for a reason.We've all experienced it ten fold. As we enter the week of Thanksgiving and the world of Cream of Chicken Soup, we get so caught up in the hubbub of the holidays, or if your me the stress of being around so many tempting calories, that we forget about actually being thankful. All of those precious things in life quickly get replaced with Black Friday, calorie calculators, talking smack about those family members you see once a year, and gravy. Of all things that distract my ability to be thankful is...can you guess?...yes, the calorie parade that is Thanksgiving. I genuinely stress about it all day. It starts with the fight to get in the pants, proceeds to the fight to stay in the pants, and ends with the fight to get out of the pants. Every year, I have a pants war.
Now, I can only speak for myself, but when Thanksgiving rolls around, my food anxiety sky rockets, therefore, giving my talent to complain endlessly a good volt of energy. I try to be proactive, I really do. I buy all low-fat ingredients, volunteer to make a bunch of the food so I can know what's going into it, never take home leftovers, and I always run a 5K that morning. This year will the first year without a Turkey Trot for me to trot, so I might just trot on my own...trot, trot, trot, trot, trot, there, I trotted. Anyway, usually at the end of the day, no matter what my efforts were, I still feel like a pilgrim murdered my willpower. I use that angst to dominate Black Friday, but that just gives me an extra 13-48 hours to make bad decisions. On a side note to all of the Black Friday shoppers: you're welcome. I know all of you are thankful that I am here and not there because you all finally have a chance to shop in the madness without getting man handled by Abigail. Last year, I literally sat on top of the Paula Deen pots display. They only had eight sets, and I needed two...guess who walked out with three ;)
Thanksgiving should not be ruined because my inner-fat kid runs the show. In fact, I know a lot of people who are stressing about what choices to make and if they are going to have self control. Believe me, nobody understands that stress better than I do. So many others don't understand what it's like to have food anxiety, but to those of you who do, since we have it everyday of our lives, let's hang it up for one day. Here's my new thought on how to approach Thanksgiving meals: eat. This year, I am not going to stress about the fact that this is a "Thanksgiving" meal. I am going to treat it as a regular everyday meal. I will have breakfast that morning. I will not starve myself all day to indulge that night. I will eat what satisfies me. I won't eat like this is my last meal. I will have dessert. I will have a roll. I will have two bottles of wine. I will not be irked, like I usually am, that the cranberry sauce as a certain jiggle that I can relate with. I will enjoy myself, my husband, and my friends. I will wear a skirt alleviating the War of Pants. I will be thankful that I am in the position to have that much food in my presence when so many others are going without. I will mean every word of the blessing when talking to God. I will laugh. I will ask my husband to do the dishes.
There's just too much that goes without appreciation. With only one day on our calender that is designed for us to give thanks, we shouldn't take it for granted. Being out here and around other military spouses really has redefined what it means to be grateful. There are men and women serving our country who would do anything to be home with their families; they're thankful for a letter, a phone call, a care package, or a moment to see their loved ones on Skype. How can I sit here and complain that my thighs won't let me cross my legs when I'm in the middle of all of this emotion? I get to wrap my arms around my husband everyday, and that's what matters most.
I will, for the first time in a long time, be thankful on Thanksgiving.
I am thankful...
that my husband is my best friend
for God and all of his many blessing
that my family is amazing
that my niece and nephews have an infectious laugh
for my health
that my body is an able body
for friends who support my new life
for my past, current, and future students...all of them, maybe...yep, all of them
that cats have the cutest way to stretch to their fullest length and then collapse back into themselves
for deodorant (I'm on the subway all of the time)
for patient people who give my homemade sign language a chance
for gas stoves
that Dunkin' Doughnuts uses so many sprinkles
that we live a life without TV
for Kit Kats
for people who wipe off the gym equipment when they're done
for fat-free cream of chicken soup
for the Keurig
for online support from complete strangers who understand my every thought
that Britney Spears is still performing
that I have the ability to forgive and not forget
that I have not totally killed the flower/houseplant that Reuben gave me, but it is on its way
that my friends have super cute babies which gets rid of any possible awkward moments if they weren't cute
for the Kindle
that I have the ability to get lost in my own city...like, the one in the states (that's talent)
for fuzzy socks
that I can Skype my mom when I have a cooking question
that my husband is going to buy us a small dog
that when I hold a grudge, it's not so heavy
for Weight Watchers because it's an amazing program when I actually follow it (guilty grin)
for the moments that I have the ugly cry laughter that can't be controlled
that I can't whistle because I find that noise annoying, and I would annoy myself
that my husband will do the dishes on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure the list would be super long and ridiculous at times, but it would be my list. That list is my list and my list is going to get the attention it deserves this year. I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving, and I'm going to get back to making an even longer list.
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