I Know Something You Don't Know...Oh Wait...

In one of past interviews with Oprah (this was a few years before I inspired her to create her OWN network) she and I discussed my many ingenious philosophies about the correlation between the mind and the body. To be honest, I had to say yes to the interview after the many phone calls I had received begging for me to make an appearance. That’s what friends are for. This was around the same time my eighth book hit the New York Best-Sellers List. I know I don’t need to tell you that because you already own my whole series, Making Cellulite Work for You, not Against You, or Under You, or On You, or You Get the Point…, and have read each one religiously. I know this because, well, it’s me, and duh, I’m awesome, so why wouldn’t you want to hear what I have to say. But just to reiterate what you already know, this book went into how my help was sought out by the celebrities who now set the standards for health and beauty. Jennifer Lopez has always been proud of her curves, but look at her now, see her glow…ha, that’s just a little evidence of what I do. After Beyonce heard this, she flew me out to help give her the self confidence she needed to wear nothing but stilettos and leotard for a video shoot. I also discussed how Jillian Michaels attended my lectures in order to gain a heart…one that actually feels for people. She’s made massive strides in that area. I have worked with many familiar faces, and my success rate is 110%. Yes, my extreme astuteness can be measured outside off 100%. I can’t help those who are jealous…cough cough, oh excuse me, not jealous, but are doubtful of my intellect. I’m just saying that a lot of Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz’s lectures look incredibly similar to my nonsense doodles and random notes that I make subconsciously when watching mindless television, like CNN. I usually throw them out when I gain back my wits. Bless their hearts, I think they’re intimidated by my many medical and psychology degrees I’ve obtained throughout the years. Oh, you didn’t know I had so many. Yes, dear, how much time do you have? I’d love to discuss each one and explain to you, my lovely darlings, why I am credible…

Whoa! Hold up there, darlings! Whoever said I was credible? I can tell you right now that I am a plain-Jane-kinda-girl. I do not have any “papers” showing that I am a credible source of information and what I say goes. Even though I’m allowed to implement that rule in my classroom, and I do it beautifully, I understand that we live in a world full of, “And what makes you so special?” comments and attitudes. We have to jump through a thousand hoops, provide every piece of documented paperwork with our name and social on it, and promise to sacrifice our first born just to get preapproved for breathing free air. Seriously, it’s ridiculous.  “So, Abigail, what makes you so special?” asks my inner fat kid. The answer is simple: Been there, done that! (That little phrase actually gets under my skin because there is no subject to the verb…ahhhhh). I often get looks of contempt from eavesdroppers when they hear me give someone advice on living a healthier lifestyle. What gives me the right to offer guidance when I can’t guide myself? I answer that with another commonly known quote, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Throughout the years, I have been shocked that people are completely unaware as to what being healthy means. It was freshmen year of college when I looked around at other students who were eating breakfast, and this was the first time they were in control of that decision. There were students eating Snickers Bars between two slices of pizza that have been deep fried in year old cow butt fat with a side of a dozen doughnuts dipped in gravy followed by a Mtn. Dew spiked with Redbull and beer. I was disgusted and jealous all at the same time. If I ever said anything about the choice of foods, I often got a reply of, “Well, it could be worse.” My first thoughts were usually, “Yeah, you’re right, you could have easily woken up and given yourself a mainline of lard straight into jugular, but this is better.” But I was just as guilty as they were because I was making poor decisions, but defending them because they could always be worse…for instance, when eating that breakfast I’d always make sure the Mtn. Dew was diet.

It took a couple of years for me to decide to quit saying that it could be worse and start focusing on the reality that it could be better, and I could create a plan to make it better. And this I’ll elaborate upon and share in a future post. I have lived both an unhealthy and a healthy lifestyle. Right now, I guess I could say that I am living a healthy lifestyle with either unhealthy withdrawals or relapses. And yes, in a future post I’ll define what I think is healthy and unhealthy. I just know what it feels like to live in both worlds. One is full of no expectations because of excessive weight being carried, and the other is full of off the wall standards for knowledge and self control because of teaching workout classes.

My overall point is that anything I have to say is strictly an opinion or advice gained because of direct experience and not because I slept at a Holiday Inn. I have been scoffed at and then praised. I have been ridiculed and then admired. I have been pitied and then envied. I have been safe and then dangerous. I have been ignored and then noticed…all because I have been fat and then fit. And now…now I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated because I keep falling off of the wagon and landing on Taco Bell. This usually leads to extreme guilt followed by Arbys (Uh, Cinnamon Bites…are you kidding me? They should call them Little Pockets of Utopia Bites and then put a warning label on the package explaining how highly addictive the melted deliciousness is). Once I feel defeated, I ask my amazingly perfect husband (who lives in a different time zone) why he let me do it. And this is exactly why I chose to work out my frustrations in this way, publically. I have said many times that I’m not alone when battling with this struggle, and hopefully, while I’ll be sifting through my experiences I’ll help someone in some way. That’s all I have to offer. You don’t have to believe me, listen to me, read me, or question me. I’ll tell you right now, I’m not credible, just personal.  I am not some sought out expert on this subject because I have studied about it and made world altering decisions. But I can’t help but to feel like I have something to offer. I am girl that was once fat then fit and now frustrated. But not for long (winky face)!