Extra, Extra...Girls Who are Happy with their Bodies...!

     I am consistently inconsistent; this is something that I tell my students the first day of school every year. At that moment, it means nothing to them, but after a few weeks, they completely understand that Mrs. Newton can change directions, moods, rules, facials, and assignments at the drop of a hat. It doesn't sound fair, but I never do it in a way that hurts them. If anything, I keep my kiddos on their toes in the most relaxed way possible, which almost seems like a contradiction. I'm not just like this in my classroom; it's me in a nutshell. For instance, I just told my husband I was going to go to my classroom to do lesson plans and then go to Wal-Mart, but now I'm typing...ehhh. I know my life would be a lot easier if I could be consistent in my practices, but the only thing I have ever been consistent in is hating my body. Yep, I went straight there. No funny little comment to ease us in that topic. It's like BOOM, here she goes again! As I've stated billions of times before, I have no idea what I would put my hating-Abigail-body-energy towards if I didn't hate it. It's such a farfetched idea that it could have it's own Twilight episode. I mean, really, how many before and after pictures have you seen on this blog. No one should have that many before and after pictures in a single year. Just learn it right the first time, Abigail!!

     I know I've posted this stuff before, but like any author who writes a series, they always spend those first few pages catching the "just now joining the club readers" up to speed. I have issues; I have issues that date back to too early in life to have issues, but I did...

• In second grade, I didn't want to go to the pool because I was too fat. I cried and cried and cried, got it out of my system, put on that faux second grade carless look, and went to the pool. 
• After embarking on a family road trip to visit my Mamaw in North Carolina during the summer between third and fourth grade, my Mamaw said upon seeing for the first time in months, "You're so skinny!" And I thought..."impossible..."
• As kids, we were given lunch money. My family thought I liked to save money because I never spent it at lunch. I couldn't stand eating in front of other kids. I thought they'd judge me. 

These were just a few of my daily thoughts in elementary school. It grew worse, ranging from instances of binging and purging, spending up 30 hours a week in the gym, developing an irrational fear of food, abusing sleep aids to sleep through periods so I wouldn't eat, and countless other routines that revolved around my body and food. Unfortunately for me and my husband, it continues to grow. When my husband and I started to date, I told him that he had to understand that I had problems and that they were going to be a big part of our relationship. For awhile, he fought it, he then learned and understood it, he's helped me overcome some habits, and he talks me through the hard times. It exists within me all of the time. It's one of my best kept secrets that I shout from the rooftops. This has been my only consistent behavior, and it's exhausting.

     Now, let's fast forward to today and why I felt the need after many months of not writing to write. I am a cheerleading coach to an amazing group of girls, gorgeous girls, like they didn't make girls like this when we were in high school kinda girls. And before I go further I must give my forever ago HHS squad a shout out because I felt/feel this way about y'all, too. Though now y'all are graduating college, getting engaged, teaching school, and making me feel old, I still share these same thoughts with y'all. In truth, I feel this way towards all of my students, mainly the female students, but there's always that special bond shared between the coach and her athletes. I have one want for my girls: I want them to feel capable.

     Rumors quickly spread about the arduous, Nazi-like regimen I was going to put my girls through when I would become their coach. Smoothie and juice diets only, five mile runs before school every single day, and they must weigh a certain amount to be on the squad. That sounds like me, right? "Hi, I'm your new coach; please allow me to crush your soul...NOW RUN!" Needless to say, the girls quickly learned that they were just rumors. Can the girls drink soda or eat candy at games/practices? No. Is that because I'm worried about their weight? No. Is that because the girls need to fuel their bodies with the appropriate foods and fluids when partaking in athletic activity? Yes. It goes without saying that my rules are appropriate for anyone in constant training. Now, do I tell my girls they are beautiful? Yes. Do I compliment their hard work? Yes. Am I their biggest non-family member fan? Absolutely. I've not once ever said anything about their weight whatsoever. I want my girls to feel strong, capable, and confident. No matter what it is in life, I want them to think, "I am worthy of that, and I am capable of doing it."

     This summer, some of my girls were able to join me for a Crossfit workout that was for women only. At the start of the workout, some of the coaches read a piece about the strength of a woman and obliterated a scale with a sledge hammer. I literally wiped tears from my eyes and was so happy that my girls could witness an action that spoke louder than words. They watched women crush workouts, and they were proud to be in their presence. One of my girls said to me, smiling, "These are like regular women. They aren't body builders or super models...they are normal...and they are happy to be normal." YES! LESSON TAUGHT AND LESSON HEARD! You don't have to be a centerfold to be happy with your body. You don't have to kill yourself with diets and exercise to be strong and capable. You can be you!!

     We live in Louisiana; it's hot. Just a handful of days ago I made a bad judgement call and allowed the girls to practice in their sports bras. I didn't tell them to do it, but I didn't stop them from doing it either. I literally take the blame for that. But to be honest, I kept thinking, "Never in my life would I ever have the courage to take my shirt off." I was in awe of their carelessness. They weren't trying to suck in--not that a single one would need to--they weren't hiding their stomachs with crossed arms, they weren't maneuvering their bodies to hit skinny poses...they were busting their butts and giving me their all. Long story short, the girls must wear appropriate practice attire; I'm a big fan of that rule. Because of some things that were said outside of the squad, I saw everything that I instilled in them over the summer diminishing. My girls started feeling shame for their bodies. Sigh...

     Don't worry, though. I'll catch them back up to speed. I'll do everything in my power to keep my girls away from my one consistent behavior. I was so happy to see them comfortable in their own skin...teenage girls...comfortable...??...Right! It was a moment that meant so much more to me than it did to them. I've spent every minute of my life covering myself and wishing things were different, and here are these awesome girls who don't even give that negative energy a second thought. If I was a passerby, I would have stopped and said, "Way to go, girls! Way to be you!!" And yeah, even though it was inappropriate, I'm still proud to have a group of girls that are CAPABLE of embracing who they are. Here's to teenage girls accepting their bodies and being happy with themselves. God knew what he was doing when he gave me these girls; I have as much to learn from them as they do from me.

I Choose Happiness!

     My super gorgeous husband has been home for one month. Do you know how much can happen in a month? Two beat-up Chevys have been purchase, a shop is being built in the back, eight trees have been cut down (the Fern Gully part of my heart hurts over it), the garage is full of truck parts, and I've gained six pounds. He's being productive, and I'm being a garbage disposal. I guess you could say my dream of continuing the detox crashed and burned after the purchase of Cadbury Eggs. Summer is inching closer and my chances of being less than a size 8 isn't. It's time to get motivated...again! How does Abigail get motivated? She looks toward those she knows to be her fitsperation.

     Well, I won't take too much of her time/space, but your mind will be blown by the beautiful Taten Shirley. Taten is Reuben's cousin, and I've had the pleasure of watching her transformation through a series of pictures and running posts. I once felt equal to her and her accomplishments, but now I feel like she has left me in the wind, good for her! I had to know what she was doing to look so incredible, so I sent her an email in January. Because I'm me, I'm just now posting...sorry, Taten...anyway...

Taten, tell us how you made it happen:

This is me:
I'm Taten Shirley, and I'm 25 years old. I have a husband and a little boy who is now 19 and a half months old. I am getting my master's and work as an adjunct professor, graduate assistant, and English tutor. I have always been fairly active; in high school I cheered, played basketball, ran cross country, and swam on the swim team. I gained weight when I stopped growing in ninth grade, but lost it in tenth grade when my family joined a gym, and I started playing basketball. Then my weight loss accelerated when I started cross country. I stayed at a healthy weight until I graduated high school. However, I slowly gained everything back plus much more during and after college.

My breaking point:
When I decided to lose weight, my son was 8 months old, and I only weighed 3 pounds more than the day I found out I was pregnant. So this was not "baby weight," this was me being unhealthy for far too long. I weighed 189, and I'm 5'3. I still ran and exercised sporadically, so I never considered myself "obese," but that's what I was. I saw a picture of myself and realized not just how big I was, but how wide I was--not a great feeling. My mom had lost over 40 pounds the year before, and I saw how diligent she was, so she inspired me to do it too, once and for all. I realized after years of "trying to do better" that I was never going to be happy at this weight, so I just needed to do it, and then I would never have to do it again.

January 2013

Solution:
I decided to join Weight Watchers because that's what my mom did. I had done it online three times before, and each time I lost 15 pounds and then stopped because I started feeling good, got overly confident, and started eating badly again. The thing I love about Weight Watchers is the weekly flex points, so that if you have a special occasion, like a birthday dinner, wedding, baby shower, or whatever, you can enjoy yourself and get right back on track. I also liked that I got extra points for exercise. If I had an off day, it would motivated me to just exercise that much more. The key for me was meetings; I know many people do online programs successfully, but I know that I needed the extra accountability that comes with going and owning up to how well you did that week. It's not scary or intimidating, but it does make you face your progress or mistakes.

10 Pounds Down!

For exercise, I started running again and decided to set a specific goal: run a half-marathon. I had run a lot of 5Ks and two 10Ks, but never a half-marathon. I started a training program, which really helped me because I need structure. If I just tried to make myself go out and run everyday with no plan, it wouldn't work as well, and I would burn out faster. On days when it was too hot or I just didn't feel like running, I did Zumba DVDs in my living room while my son napped. It was a great, fun way to break up the monotony of running. I did some form of exercise at least 5 days a week, sometimes more. As I got closer to the half-marathon, I got a friend from church to start running with me, which definitely helped me stay motivated. Everything is easier with a friend!

Goodbye, 20 Pounds!

When it came to eating, this was definitely what was hard for me. I had five main tips that I tried to stick with:

1) I tracked EVERYTHING. I know people always say this, but this really was key. No matter how badly I did (and there were plenty of tailgates for Auburn football where I did very badly), I would track, and I would know how much I needed to exercise to burn it off, or how I needed to do that much better the next day. Even if you're not doing Weight Watchers, you should have some form of tracking: MyFitnessPal or just writing down calories yourself are great ways to track. Without accountability for what you're putting in your mouth, you're not going to lose weight.

26 Pounds Gone!

2) I measured EVERYTHING. I know it is tedious and a pain and dirties more dishes, but it's the only way to know for sure how many points/calories/etc. you are consuming. And once it became a habit, it wasn't so bad. I also got interested in freezer meals, and started measuring and calculating points and labeling the container that I froze them in, so that I only had to do all of the hard work (measuring, cooking, and labeling) once, and the rest of the week, I could just track and eat. That definitely helped.

3) I pretracked: I would go ahead and put what I was going to eat the next day in my phone, so that I had a plan and was less likely to make impromptu bad decisions. On work days, I would pack my lunch and breakfast the night before and go ahead and track it.

4) Drink lots and lots of water and eat lots and lots of fruit...Again, I know this sounds cliche, but when I was doing best on the plan, I was drinking a glass of water and eating a piece of fruit before every meal. This makes it to when it's time to eat, I'm already partially full, but with good things. I don't like many vegetables (my husband tells me I have the pallet of a four-year old), but I do like fruit, so I just tried to eat a lot. This also helps at things like weddings and baby showers because there is usually a fruit/veggie tray. If you get a plate of fruits and veggies first, then you're partially full when you go back to enjoy a few treats.

36 Pounds Lighter!

5) Don't get discouraged. People are not going to notice right away. I noticed once I had lost five pounds, my family noticed once I had lost fifteen pounds, but other people didn't notice until I lost thirty pounds. We all want instant satisfaction, but a common saying in Weight Watchers is that you didn't gain it overnight. I started Weight Watchers in February of 2013 and hit my goal weight, 48 pounds later, in November of 2013. But the whole month of May and September I was completely stagnant in my weight loss. I would lose .6 and then gain 1.2, etc. It was very frustrating, but I knew I just needed to adjust. You can't let setbacks make you stop or give up if you've decided that you'll never be happy at that weight.

Feeling Proud, but not Deprived

Maintaining:
Honestly, I'm still figuring this part out. I reached my goal weight (141) in early November, and so the holidays were right around the corner. I did my best to keep exercising and limit splurges to holiday meals, but it was definitely still a struggle. I've fluctuated some as I try to figure out how to best maintain, but I am doing better. I'm trying new exercises, like P90X, and various exercise plans I've found through Pinterest to add to my running routine to keep things interesting. The hardest part for me is still the eating. I caught myself eating while I was bored over the break, and so now I'm trying to be more mindful and intentional about what goes in my body. I've realized this is something I will always have to be aware of--maintain is an action word, and so it still requires work.

December 2013

The New Me:
Right now I'm trying to lose about five pounds more, just to give myself a buffer zone, since I'm currently at the top of my healthy weight range. I am a size 8 and a size medium in most shirts, both of which I am very comfortable with. On January 18, 2014, I ran my first half-marathon in 2 hours and 40 minutes. You don't have to be a running expert to know that this is slow, but I met my two goals: to run the whole time, and to stay under 13-minute miles. I plan on running another half-marathon in the fall, and this time trying to stay under 12-minute miles. I eventually would like to run a full marathon, which I will complete with Abigail in 2015, and complete a triathlon.
Okay, Abigail here with a confession...I added the "Abigail in 2015" part. Hint, hint, Taten!

Half-Marathon!!

Words of Wisdom:
I told this to my husband in the beginning: "You have to help me, and you have to hold me accountable." I had always refrained from telling anyone that I was doing a diet before in case I failed, but this time I told everyone. I wanted as much accountability as possible, and I didn't want giving up to be an option!  

I am Restored! GIVE ME MY COFFEE!!

     It's Sunday morning aka day 22 aka NO MORE RESET. I'll give you one guess as to what I'm doing right now. Yes, I'm scoping out food porn on Pinterest; no, I'm not eating the Kit-Kat that's been in my freezer for three weeks; yes, Seyo is probably doing something she isn't supposed to do but that has nothing to do with my needing you to guess something accurate; okay, yes, I am wishing Sex and the City would come out with a third movie and ask me to be in it; no...I'm not scooping up crawfish...what was that guess about??...no, I'm not listening to the theme song for Fraggle Rock, but I do admit that that is a good idea. Let me help you out: I'm drinking COFFEE.

     "Abigail, did you really not learn anything from the reset? You jumped straight back to coffee?" You bet your butt I did. I don't drink soda, I don't drink tea on the regular unless it's hot, I don't down energy drinks, so my one cup of coffee I have every morning is my treat to myself. I don't even need it to be regular coffee; it can be decaf. I just love the flavor. However, I did not use creamer; I used almond milk instead, so props to me for making the switch to Hot for Cookie Creamer to almond milk...yay (<--said in the most disappointing tone ever). I'm sure I'll adapt. Plus, cough cough, someone just finished their master's degree program...this is my little celebration.

     For the past week, I've had only fruit and veggies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No sugar, no grains, no meat, no animal products, no nuts, no toxins, no legumes, just fruits and veggies and some seeds here and there. ****Okay, question, is the word fruit already plural, like deer? We can say, "I like fruit," but we can't say, "I like vegetable." Fruits and veggies or fruit and veggies??? Hmmm....****

      I know I sound like I am exaggerating, but this really wasn't a huge switch for me. I literally ate a salad for lunch every single day prior to this experience, except this time I left out egg whites, olives, croutons, and bottled organic dressing. I did get to add pumpkin seeds, which I will do every single day for the rest of my life.

     My dinners were already centered around steamed vegetables. With Reuben gone, I don't eat meat unless I order it from somewhere in a sandwich, and that's a rarity. I guess my biggest change was breakfast (I so didn't do my meals chronologically in this post). The past two weeks, I've three cups of fruit every single morning for breakfast, and I ate it two hours earlier than I usually would. That was a welcomed change. My breakfast previous to this was a big ol' apple sliced up and smeared with white cheddar laughing cow cheese, or a whole wheat english muffin with three egg whites and steak sauce. I probably won't keep with the three cups of fruit for breakfast every single morning; fruit is expensive and I was flying through it. I'll switch my days and have rolled oats on some mornings and fruit on the others.

My dinner...put some sesame oil on those and BAM...food ecstasy.

     Yesterday, I went to the commissary and felt nervous about shopping. I had coupons for cheese and eggs, so I felt like I needed to get those items, but I didn't! I attached those coupons on the items and left them there for someone who needs them. I'm not saying that I'm going completely vegan because c'mon...chocolate. But if I can help it and know there is alternate meal I can have in place of the animal products, I'll do that. C'mon, Amy's Organic pizza...ahhhh...I can't give that up. Speaking of organic, that lifestyle is totally possible! As long as you're willing to search for it and spend a little more, it's totally worth it in the long run.

And this is what my refrigerator looked like before the grocery run yesterday. Actually, as Reuben pointed out, this is what it looks like pretty much all of the time.  

     "Do you feel differently?" The first week sent me through coffee wants. The second week was the hardest; I was freezing and felt tired. The third week was the easiest. My energy levels were normal, I developed food preparation habits, and drinking over a gallon of water a day was a natural thing to do. I miss running! Today also marks one month since I ran the marathon, so I'm more than ready to start pounding the pavement again.

     "Did you lose weight?" Absolutely not, in fact, I'm about two-three pounds heavier depending on the day. Some people don't lose weight. I'm sure if I followed the food plans more closely, like if I didn't live on the Reset in a Crunch menu, things could've been different, but it is what it is. I'll start counting points today and do what I need to do. But if you look at the photos...something worked.

     "How was the, ya know, digestion part?" Liberating! If you need a good colon cleansing, do this! I don't want to get too personal or anything, but do you know how much waste is stuck in our digestive tracks? I'm just saying that I'd eat an apple and, ya know...seemed like more than apple in the after math. My stomach is breaking down the foods faster, and I don't feel near as bloated.

     "Do you crave junk?" Do you know me? Don't ask silly questions. OF COURSE I DO. I'm starting to learn that I have a love affair with doughnuts. I want them every single day, and I'm starting to see that is going to be a lifelong battle.

     "Would you do this again?" Ehhh...yeah...probably more for the cleaning of the tummy process over anything else. It was great to see what I could say no to and to see what I am capable of. I'm really proud of my efforts.

     "Do you have any advice for someone who wants to do the Beachbody Ultimate Reset?" STOCK UP ON TOILET PAPER!

     I would like to take a minute to shout out to my girlfriend Jessica Martinez who has been going strong for two months by adopting a vegan lifestyle. She's stronger than I am. When I was in Korea, I was a carnivore like crazy, but she's doing wonderfully! I'm proud of you, girl. She's an incredible person who is capable of anything. I'm sure I'll hit her up on the regular to keep me staying just as strong. Accountability goes a long way.

Release...They Didn't Lie

     Last day of week 2, and what do I get? A terrible hair coloring at the salon today. I know, I know, I've already vented about via the FB, but every single time I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of my yellow wig. How blessed am I that that's my biggest problem? I'll take it!

HELLO, ROOTS!! :(

     I'm going to keep this update short and sweet. Did I do well this week? Yeah, pretty much. I've cheated a few times, one time being today, another time being yesterday. And by cheating that means I've had either 1/4 cup of pumpkin seeds too many, a handful of organic cashews, or a tablespoon or three of organic almond butter when I wasn't supposed to, as in it wasn't the hour I should have them. I'm drinking the water like I should, I'm working out like I shouldn't, and I'm just ready to get week three knocked out of the way.

     I've not lost any weight, but what I did gain is gone, so I'm pretty much back at my starting point. I'm freezing all day long; it's ridiculous. During my first hour class, I have to stay huddled near the heater. My students probably think I'm worthless. And boy-oh-boy, have I been tired. I don't feel like I have an intelligent thought in my mind. I've misspelled almost every word I've typed including misspelled.

     This week was different from last week because there are no animal products this week. Last week, I could have yogurt and chicken, but this week has been full of fruits, veggies, seeds, and quinoa. Starting tomorrow, no grains, strictly fruits, veggies, and seeds. But again, I'm good with that. I have always eaten as much fruit and veggies as I do now, but it's interesting to see that maybe I don't always need to partner a yogurt or a grain with everything. Also, I had to drink a Detox supplement three times a day. It tasted like lemony Lipton tea, not too bad, but had the consistency of coffee grounds. It helped "inspire" movement. There's a reason this phase is called Release.  

New things I love:

Oh my gosh, this stuff!! It smells like warm, yeasty bread when you squeeze it out. It smells like beer when it's cooking. It tastes like heaven when sipping it from a spoon. This is my new favorite soup base. Go get some!

The label pretty much speaks for itself. I spray everything I eat with this soy sauce alternative. My steamed veggies with this yummyness...ahhhh!!

The one thing I hate:

     What's difficult about this week? The cravings!! It's like I want everything I normally wouldn't eat. If given the opportunity, I would eat the following list in one sitting:

• An entire box of Rice Krispies 
• Doughnuts (all kinds)
• Loaves of bread
• Pizza (Amy's Organic Margarita)
• Chai tea
• Cheese fries
• Cupcakes
• Sausage with syrup
• King's Cake
• Bo'Rounds
• Marble Slab
• Corndogs
• BBQ stuffed baked potato
• Oatmeal pies
• Cheesy eggs
• Checker's Fry Burger
• Shredded wheat
• A gallon of ketchup
• McGriddle
• Reuben sandwich
• Hot chocolate 
• Pistachio pudding
• Raisinets
• Cookie dough
• Mac N Cheese
• Wine

     Now, I know, but I said just in one sitting. I had to show some sort of restraint. I don't usually eat that food, and if I do, it's either in moderation once in a while or in an unholy binge. Either way, the point is I don't eat these items to be going through some sort of withdrawal without them; I just crave them something fierce. My number one craving: coffee. I can't wait to get it back. Here's to the final week of UR!!

My Body has been Reclaimed...by fat...

Hmmm...what's in the box?? Supplements, literature, DVD's, and stuff that makes me gag!! Yay!!

Day 1 is done, son! I had a feeling that today was going to go swimmingly because I ate so much yesterday. My body is still digesting those minutes before midnight Hot Pockets. What did I like most about today? Dinner! What did I dislike most? Alkalinize...aka a green shot of putrid regret. There is no way I'm going to build up a tolerance for that.

Day 2 is through, woo! Much like yesterday, everything was pretty good for a Monday. I definitely missed my coffee, but that was more out of habit than anything. What did I like most about today? Organic almond butter with my green apple. What did I dislike most? Alkalinize...it's just terrible...there are no words.

Day 3:

Day 4:

Day 5 is complete. Today was a pretty normal day; I actually got to go to work today. I'm sore from yesterday's awesome workout, but that didn't stop me from going to the gym tonight to kill it. I am all flab. Reuben deserves to come home to anything other than what I am right now. What did I like most about today? Farina for breakfast...aka Cream of Wheat. What did I dislike most? Eating a green apple during breakfast. That's just too early for a green apple.

Flab proof! This is ridiculous!

(Picture was taken on day two.)

This was me just a couple of months ago after finishing another Beachbody Challenge. Why must I put myself all the way back to the start line every single time?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

Anyway, let's me get back on topic...

Day 6: I'm pretty angry today. I got on the scale to see a 3lb gain from the beginning of the week. This is not what I signed up for. What did I like most about today? Receiving roses from my amazing husband. What did I dislike most? Numbers.

Day 7: Well, this wraps up the first week of three. The Reclaim Phase is done! I had a great workout today, and I finished a massive assignment that's due tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive about the weight issue because I know this journey is more about removing toxins from my body and adopting healthier options and blah blah blah blah. Mostly I'm not worried because I signed up for a personal trainer today...take that, fat! What did I like most about today? Not feeling the need to have an afternoon snack. What did I dislike most? Burning the roof of my mouth with sweet potato...instant blister. 

What have I been eating? Well, let me show you a few things...

These are just a few of the meals I've had this past week, nothing vastly different from what I usually eat. Except I don't think I would ever make beans and rice with a sweet potato; that's a lot carbs...but it's delicious. I've also had well over a gallon of water every single day, with no Crystal Light in it...never thought it possible. Be kind to me, week 2...

Detox the Binge

(Why so many blogs lately? I have an INSANE amount of grad work to do...that's why.)

     I would apologize for how I look in that video, but I really just don't care. My sense of vanity is at an all time low on Saturdays dedicated to being homebound. But yeah, anyway, tomorrow starts the Beachbody Ultimate Reset, also known as something on my bucket list of healthy goals. One, if you watch the video in the link I just provided, you can easily see a massive weight gain in my face. Two, I am really hoping this will cure my sugar addiction and give me the opportunity to have a healthier relationship with food. I mean, c'mon, does any binge really need to look like this. Three, despite my binge habits, I really do try to make sound decisions all of the time, and as of late, I've been doing a really great job of going natural, raw, and/or organic for a lot of my meals. The BUR will give me a chance to take those choices to a new level, gain some education on what that kind of lifestyle really entails. And four, my super sexy husband is coming home super soon, and I'll be wrapping up the BUR just days before he's stateside. It's best that I do this when he's away so he won't become a victim of spousal abuse due to coffee withdrawals, and so I can be the best possible me when he returns.

     I'll post a series of written/video blogs about my experience with BUR. I've witnessed the willpower it involves, and the tutorial even states that it will cause some emotional reactions due to the detoxifying process. I'm sorry...let me just say that up front. I'll try my best to provide pictures of my meals, but to be honest, I'll probably forget.

     Most of you are probably thinking, "What's the big deal? It's just a 21 day eating program. Grow up, Abigail, and put down the fork!" Well, sassy, I'll have you know that you don't need a fork to eat a Hot Pocket or Raisinets or Amy's Organic Pizza or coffee or...wait...should I just stop...I'm not making the best point, huh? This is half the reason that I fear this. I have a food addiction. That's why WW is so good for me. I can eat whatever I want as long as I write it down, but again, no one should sit to eat three pounds of vegetables for dinner. Veggies are good, yes, but three pounds! This, I'm hoping, will also help me with portion control. I just remembered that there's one more Hot Pocket in the freezer...do I dare?

     A little shout out to Coach Meridith. Thank you for answering all of my questions so far and being available for my random Abigail moments. I watched you go through the process and was floored at how well you did. I use that as motivation.

Hot Pocket update...I dared. Shame...

A Shout Out to Me

     It's Friday night, do you know where your cat is? Yep, she's chillaxin on the love seat over there, thinking, "Mom, what in the world are you doing home? This is crazy!" And I'm like, "Yep...finally!" I, too, is chillaxin...see below picture for proof.

BOOM (<--my classroom word of the week), see the proof. I'm sitting on my couch after devouring some shameful calories. What am I not doing? Conquering the world. Needless to say, last week was one of the busiest weeks I've had while Reuben has been gone. But man oh man, some goals, one being adult-lifelong, have been conquered. Oh wait...interruption...

Someone just got selfie jealous...let's continue...

     I am proud to say that on the weekend of January 24-26, I went to Newark, New Jersey to complete my training to be a certified WeightWatchers Leader!!! Ding ding ding ding ding!!! Ring the bells! Sound the drums! Toot a horn or whatever it is you do to a horn!! Do you know how huge that is??? I'll tell you! That's years of sweating, measuring, counting, running, pushing, tugging, bruising, choosing, crying, doubting, going, thinking, striving, falling, believing, talking, lifting, praying, squeezing, binging, hating, dancing, lacing, squatting, listening, sharing, motivating, hurting, encouraging, surrendering, and any other applicable verb that ends with ing. Seriously, this was a dream I've had for a long time. Those who've known me through my 20's know that I'm obsessed. It didn't take long for my new coworkers in La to learn that it's always on my mind. Their jaws dropped today when they saw me eat a stuffed baked potato during lunch because I always eat a salad. One of them announced that a certain hot place must have just froze over because she couldn't believe her eyes. (It's a good thing they don't see what I do when no one is looking.) I'm the one who evokes confessions from people; I can't help it. Since I have that effect, what better place is there for me than to be in front of a meeting room? That's right, my name is Abigail Newton, and I'm your WeightWatchers leader. 

     How was New Jersey you might ask? I don't know. But I can tell you that I had a blast going into Manhattan on Saturday night. How blessed am I to have had a student from Highlands actually want to hang out with me when I contacted her saying I was close by? This amazing girl now teaches in New York and was more than willing to show me around. 

The picture on the left was taken following her class' graduation celebration in 2008. The one on the right was taken a little less than two weeks ago. I love her dearly and am so proud of the woman she is. Thank you, Sally, for taking me out and feeling comfortable enough to call me by my first name. If you ever come down for a visit, I can introduce you to the exciting practice of watching the grass grow. It's peaceful and appreciated. 

     Fast forward one week to the weekend of February 1-2 when I ran The New Orleans Rock and Roll Marathon (marathon numero deux). Woot, woot! 

Now, I use the word ran interchangeably with the word survived. This particular marathon was not easy, but the event was incredible. I just checked my phone for this awesome picture I took before the race started. The start line arch was up but slightly covered by fog, thousands of people could be seen in the front corals, and it was a perfect shot taken from someone who is 5'1. It got deleted! Kick myself. 

However, this guy was there. He was running the half marathon, and he had beers in his fuel belt. He also blew that black horn you see in his hand incessantly. You know you're good when you can show up to a race with alcohol and a lung challenging bugle. He took off, and I never saw him again.  

     I shared some illegal marathon pictures on my FB page, and you know what it made me realize? I'm all about sharing pictures that show me at my worst. I do not look like a supermodel on a given day more or less during a 26 mile haul, so yeah, I'm okay with my nostril pictures. I saw one, though, that reminded me of something, and then a light bulb went off...

I LOOK LIKE THE CONFESSION BEAR.

     My picture is a little pixelated because I blew it up, but that, ladies and gents, is my face. Can you believe that girl actually got someone to marry her? In my illegal picture album, there isn't a single picture that makes me look happy, competent, athletic, or prepared, but I promise you all that I did train for this! 

This isn't the same as above, so my face is slightly less Confession Bear.

I look like I want to sit right there in the rain.

But I tell ya, at mile 19, I was ready to call it quits. My right knee was killing me, and I swore that my left toe was trying to remove itself from my body. This might sound stupid, but I think my joints hurt worse this time because I was running so slowly. It took twenty minutes to finish the first mile because of all the people. My pace was considerably slower because the number of runners, which I thought was going to be a great copout for not beating my previous time. Nope, it ended up just hurting, but I did it. 

     When I got home, I was really nervous about two things: my toe and my hair. Now, you can kind of see in the above pictures that my hair was in a ponytail. This is what it was when I made it home. 

It took a lot of conditioner and a lot of patience, but the world's biggest dreadlock did get tamed. 

So the time came where I had to take off my shoe to inspect the toe damage; it didn't look near as badly as it felt...and still feels. 

It's hard to tell because I haven't painted my toes and my feet are just ugly in a wide Flinstone kind of way, but you can see the wrongful color settling in on my baby toe. The picture really doesn't do it justice. Now, my little left toe nail is dark blue/black. 

That split you see on the bottom wraps all the way around to the inside of the toe where there is absolutely no skin. I've been limping all week. I feel like a dork. 

     All in all, that was a crazy, busy week. One weekend I'm in Manhattan wishing so badly that SJP Carrie Bradshaw was real, and the next weekend I'm running...trotting...dragging...limping around New Orleans. This weekend = couch. God is good!

I want to take a minute and thank everyone for making this following picture possible:

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

No KFC "Bucket List"

So, yeah, my whole plan of being uberly productive is left on the side of the road where I had to turn around. Geesh! However, I have been working on this post for a little bit now, so here's to making proper use of my lazy time.  

     I was half tempted to make resolutions at the start of this year, but you all know me so well...ehh. My resolutions never ever ever actually happen. I give it a go, and sometimes I stick with it for many months. Heck, my resolution of making one new recipe a week lasted until we moved back to the states. But in truth, I shouldn't have to wait until a new year rolls around for me to get my act together. Also, I'm a busy person, and there's no guarantee that I can everything I want finished within a year. A year may seem like a long time, that is until you make a To-Do list, and then woosh! Before you know it, your husband is about to come home from deployment and you still haven't mowed the lawn. Moving on...
    I have a lot of personal goals; I promise that I aspire to be more than someone who is obsessed with weight loss and working out. I mean, I'm not at the moment...this topic runs/ruins my life, but that's the point of aspirations...change is in the future...possibly. Well, until that day comes, I'm still obsessed. With this obsession comes interests, addictions, investments, education, trainings, hobbies, and wants. I want to do everything and try everything. I'll get something in my mind, research the crud out of it, get a little overwhelmed, see an informercial on something else, switch gears, and repeat the entire process. With all of that in mind, I am actively creating a Health and Fitness Bucket List. These are things I really want to do in the near future, and when I say near future, I'm saying before I'm 80 years old. I've told Reuben many times that at 80 I'm hanging it up. Literally, on my 80th birthday, I'm going to rent a Ryan's Steakhouse for the night, so I can pull a chair up directly to the buffet. I'll also rent a stomach pump as to keep the eating continuos. Yep, that's the plan. Aren't you excited, babe?
     Some of these things/programs on my list have been researched and some haven't, but I feel like I owe it to myself to accomplish these goals.

Health and Fitness Bucket List

Run a total of five full marathons

I ran one last April and have another in three weeks...eek.

Eat a vegan/raw diet for one month

I'm not a huge meat eater, and I feel with some accurate literature that I could do this. I might be cranky and unapproachable, but I might feel better than I ever have. 

Complete P90X

I've done Insanity two and half times...it's time to move on. 

Complete Beachbody's Ultimate Reset Program 

My BB coach did this with some challengers, and I was envious of the willpower they modeled and benefits they reaped. I think this will teach me a lot about recognizing cravings and recognizing hunger.

Partake in a Disney race of some sort

I do not have one in mind, but it's Disney!!

Organize a 5K and/or 10K

This has been a dream of mine since I completed my first 5K in 2008.

Compete in a SPRINT triathlon

Water terrifies me to no end and bikes are not my friend, but I think this is something my husband could blow away, and I would love to train together. 

Get Body Gospel Certified 

I would love nothing more than to dance while worshipping Jesus, and what better way to do it than to lead it?

Mud Run and/or Warrior Dash

I've saved some skanky tennis shoes for this event.

Organize a fitness/weight loss group for students

I see so many of my students, and I just want to help them and teach them how to make better decisions. They are worth the attention and they are worth the change; I want to make them see that themselves. 

Host a Zumbathon

Let's put this certification to work!

Choose a year, and run one organized race a month

It's important to keep in mind that running races can add up, so that's why I say choose a year. 

Complete the Ab Ribber X 30 Day Challenge

I can't tell you how many times I've started it; I'd like to actually say that I completed it. 

Regain my flexibility 

An unknown injury has jeopardized my left piriformis, causing extreme pain and limited flexibility. I just wrapped up fifteen sessions of physical therapy, and with what they showed me, I hope to be able to touch my toes again.  

Run a 5K with my mom

I believe in her more than she believes in herself. I'd love for her to experience that self pride.  

I'm not going to lie; I took a Nyquil, so it's time to go. I'll wrap it up by saying this: these are not all the things that will be on my list. I'm sure I'll add to it over time, but until then this list will get my attention. Some of these things I'm already working on, like running another marathon, hosting a Zumabthon, and regaining my flexibility. When's the last time you did a backbend? Those things hurt, dude. The other goals will have to be completed over time. And just think, you'll be lucky enough to hear about every single word of each experience...go you!! Just curious...what would be on your list? I need more ideas...

I Yelled at God, but He Yelled Louder

Seyo is happily running around the house since she now has the room to do so--14 hours in a car will test any cat's patience--I've unloaded the Pathfinder, leaving everything by the front door; I've crawled into bed sans washing face due to being so tired, but I couldn't go to sleep without sharing this. I was going to type a facebook post tonight about it, but I realized it might be too long of a post for the ol' FB. It was going to be something along the lines of this, but now that I have the comfort of blog space, it's probably more wordy than intended:

As I was driving home tonight, I really felt the hand of God on my heart, and it felt good. Little of you know that it hasn't always been that way. Around four years ago, I was at one of my lowest points in life. In a short span of time, I endured my second miscarriage, my first husband had moved out, alcohol use was frequent, and I devoted every second of my life to the gym where I worked myself crazy so I would be too exhausted to feel emotions. One night when the workouts didn't suffice and I was faced with having to sort through my emotions, I got mad at God for "putting" me through so much pain. And I swear to you that this 100% true--I was so mad and so emotional that I sat in my living room floor, bawling, "God, I quit! I can't do this anymore. I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what you want me to learn, but I quit trying to figure it out. I'm yours. You do what you want with me because I'm too d**n tired to do it myself!! If you want me to hurt, fine! If you want me to be happy, fine! I SURRENDER!! I don't care anymore. Do whatever...!" That night, I cried myself to sleep. The next day, Reuben called me.

I've told Reuben that story many times and have explained to him that I truly see him as a gift from God. Could it be a coincidence? We'll never know. But because of how the events unfolded, I believe in the words "I surrender." When I surrendered my words, my heart, my trust, my beliefs, my life to God, things instantly got better. When I said that I surrendered, I really did. I had to put that trust out there. I couldn't just say it and then still try to hold the reigns. Fast forward to today, I have an amazing family who bends over backwards for me, a husband who does not let miles stop him from making me feel flawless, multiple communities that make me feel appreciated, friends from all over the world who put energy into maintaining our friendship, and Seyo...can't leave her out.

Some of those things existed in my life always, like my very supportive family and incredible friendships, but I wasn't ever in a place that I could see it. I honestly didn't know how to count my blessings. I was too busy trying to create what I thought should be blessings. "What's a better blessing than a baby?" I was so wrapped up in what I didn't have...I let it consume me. To say that I am blessed is an understatement. But I thought about this a lot tonight, and I openly communicated my gratitude to God.

I'm not saying I'm the perfect Christian; I'm far from it, but I can honestly say that I'm trying. Since God has made such an effort into showing me that He hears me, the least I can do is try. My heart is happier because of it. With that being said, I urge you to make 2014 the year you surrender if you have yet to do so. I just really don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. All I know is my heart is bursting with a feeling that I want everyone to experience. I want nothing more than for the people in my life to feel the peace of mind that comes with making that declaration. I'm grateful for my life and the direction it took. I look forward to 2014 and all the blessings God has in store.