Operation Pants No Touch Butt!

     It's April...and in typical Abigail fashion, you can guess what went out the window: resolutions. Why do I even bother writing a post about resolutions? I don't only write the resolution post, but I do it with gusto. Like, I am tearing up the keyboard with my war paint and Rambo bandana with Italian opera blasting in the background...those do not relate, but for some reason they get me super excited!! I was actually doing really well. I got cocky enough to write a blog post about my success. But what comes with success? Total doom and destruction and sabotage and bread and cellulite and tight pants and tears. I was in denial for awhile; I thought, "Hey, I can get back on the wagon." No, Abigail, no you cannot, not unless there is a forklift around the corner.
     It's April...and in typical Abigail fashion, you can guess what my next step was: making erroneous blames. I blamed everything from the weather "bringin' me down, man" to making myself believe that working out more required more calories...1000 more calories to be exact. I would workout and find comfort in a recovery meal. Recovery meals are essential to replenish nutrients, electrolytes, and complex carbs: these heal the muscles. Let me introduce you to my recovery meals:

Chocolate Chip Cookies: this is my go to recovery meal. Wheat, eggs, antioxidants from the chocolate...it's legit.

Korean Rice Balls of heaven. I love these. I don't know what they are, I don't ask questions, I just chew and swallow and smile and celebrate their existence.

This picture was saved as muffin. I literally sat here trying to remember when I took a picture of me shirtless. Muffin as in food, Abigail, not your saggy fat bags.

So yeah, those are my recovery meals. Dang it! What just happened to my font. This is why I need to switch to videos. But I'm too technically disadvantaged to do that. I can't even figure out what just happened to my font for crying outloud...blogger!!!! If it publishes normally, I'm not even going back to take this paragraph out. I'm too sleepy to be professional. You can partake in my creative woes. Oh well, I'll just run with it...run...ha! I'd just eat it if I could. Anyway...can you see a pattern in the food choices. I was justifying these!!!

     It's April...and in typical Abigail fashion, you can guess what sent me over the edge: THESE FREAKIN' PANTS. I first wore these pants my first year of teaching. I remember the first time I wore them was on the day of the writing test, and I was excited that I could fit into them, but I was still pretty self-conscious of the stripes. I was two months into Weight Watchers, and those were my goal pants. After awhile, they became my weigh-in pants. These pants defined my weight loss. There was a magical time when I could take them out of the drier, and they would be lose around my butt! When does that happen? Never! So why in the world did I put them on this week? Let's review, shall we: (I have no idea what is about to happen to the format of this blog...wish me luck)

At first, it looks okay, until you take a closer look...

POCKET OUTLINES!!! Once upon a time, these hung off of me, and now I'm sporting my back pockets. I didn't even know these had back pockets! Utterly disgusted. (It's hard to see in the top picture, but c'mon, they are so obvious in the second one.)

My thighs are suffocating. I had to be careful about bending down. My kinders were all like, "Tie my shoe!" And I was like, "Hide my crack!" Oh my...I just...what...laskdhvur'oaniwpg (keyboard vomit).

There's the money shot! What is going on here? My thighs developed their own assortment of cracks. They look like sausages...tightly packed sausages. Sausage...yyyuuummmm. The pain that would occur around my midsection from sitting was ridiculous. I was severing my insides. I had a permanent ring around my tummy an hour after taking these off.

     It's April...and in typical Abigail fashion, you can guess what I am vowing: to get my act together. I know, roll your eyes and wwwwoooooosssssaaaahhhhhh because we all know I say this once a week. But I'll have you know that's why I started this blog in the first place, to share my thoughts and frustrations on this topic because I know I'm not the only one who is constantly yo-yo-ing (<- is that a real verb?) between healthy and unhealthy lifestyles. I'm talkin' as in I literally yo-yo in an hour. The other day I ran six miles, and then I drove straight to the donut store and bought six donuts. And then I ate them...all...with no Reuben help...because I didn't offer him any. So yeah, here we go...back on the bandwagon. Operation PANTS NO TOUCH BUTT begins today!