Way 2 Go (Insert 1 in front of 2) Abigail!

“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” Why is that true? Who says we can’t eat our own cake? In fact, anytime there is cake that has the dubbed title as “my cake” I pretty much get to eat it. People would be offended if I didn’t eat my cake, “What’s wrong with the cake? Are you too good for the cake? Did we not cater to your liking enough for you to humor us with trying the cake?” If I followed the adage, I’d just sit there, like, “Well, I can’t eat it because it’s mine. That’s the rule.” That rule is bogus. First of all and the best part of my argument: cake. Second of all, that doesn’t always apply, so why do people just throw it around like it goes with every scenario. For instance, my husband is gorgeous, and he just so happens to be someone I like hangin’ around. Bam, two good things. My marriage is an example of me eating my own cake. However, there are those moments when the adage is too appropriate, like when I’m trying to teach a screeching five year old an important life lesson, when I’m trying to decide between purchasing the shoes or the dress, when I’ve already eaten someone else’s cake so I may not need to eat my own, or when I’m in my current situation. (Insert transition music…)

This time last week, I was singing my praises to the world, and that’s something that I’m not exactly famous for doing. I don’t walk around with the reputation that when people see me they say, “Oh, you see that girl? That’s Abigail…she totally loves herself.” Nope, that’s never been included in any of my descriptors. But I’ve been working on that and last week I was thriving with the Abigail-self love. I’ve been trying to be healthy overall, and for the first time in my life, I’m not following a plan. I’m not even following a plan made up by me that worked years ago; I’m just being me, and it’s working. Well, it was.

 Do you know what’s more difficult than being an overweight female? A female who is losing weight and knows she is. It’s like I broke a rule of womanhood. “Thou shall not boast about bodily accomplishments. Thou shall cower timidly in front of other women. Thou shall cast away and deny any positive remarks.” Because I spent more time saying thank you to those who have been noticing, I’ve become more disliked.

I’m guilty of being the giver of the evil eye, but maybe only one or two…million…times, no big deal. I wasn’t able to celebrate someone’s accomplishments, so I didn’t. I bashed them in my brain and sulked. I still do that!! I girl who looks like Barbie came into yoga this past week, and I rolled my eyes...why did I do that? And then when I'm telling Reuben about her, he asked why it mattered, and of course, I didn't have an answer. It doesn't matter. I'm just sitting there, giving her the evil eye because...dunno...I'm a girl, that's what we do. 

I’ve been getting that a lot this past week (the evil eye), so you know what I found myself doing? Eating. I ate incessantly last week, bad things, like things I don’t eat on a cheat day: icing (literally, spoonful’s of icing), cookie dough, blocks of cheese, a pan of brownies, and the list goes on in a ridiculous way. It’s easier for me to be a girl struggling to lose weight than a girl who is losing weight. That’s who I know to be; that’s the easiest person for me to be. I fall into that roll beautifully, so that’s what I did: I sabotaged myself. And now as I sit here on a workday due to snow, all I can feel is anger. I have so much anger and hurt that I can’t even focus on work. I’m mad at myself because I am taking away my own accomplishments. No one else did that, just me. If someone gives me the eye, that doesn’t take away the fact that I lost twelve pounds. Responding to the eye by consuming 14,000 calories in an hour takes away from a twelve-pound loss; I did that, not them. Now, it’s more like a twelve-pound loss with a five-pound gain, “Not cool, Robert Frost.”

In all of this, I learned a valuable lesson. I will never take away someone’s happiness. It’s that simple. Also, I won’t allow others to take away mine. Now, that one is easier said than done, but recognizing my reaction when it happens is part of adopting that mentality. Is it so hard being happy for others? No, it’s not. Sometimes, that’s the best gift you can give: happiness and support. Referring back to the adage, I will have my cake and eat it, too. As in I will live a healthy life and be supported for it. There’s no rule against celebrating weight loss. We should be able to shout it from the rooftops!!! But instead, we have to wait until someone notices and we just nod demurely. Heck , no, not anymore. With that being said. These are my pants that made me celebrate last week; they used to cling to me like me on anything edible.

If I’m looking for the evil eye, than I am more apt to find it. But I am going to direct my attention to the positive comments and quit being brought down by those who can’t share my enthusiasm. This is a new week, and I’m in need of some massive damage control, starting with weeding out the negative…and eating a salad for lunch.