Well, folks, it's coming around to be that time of year again. That special time of year when the air turns cold and crisp and every fast food restaurant is serving some type of hot beverage with either the word "pumpkin" or "spice" in the title. That amazing time of year where I for some reason adopt the ability of a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger and become a big, fluffy, cozy, lazy bear and hibernate for days or weeks at a time with a toss here or a turn there, so I can dislodge the fork out of my back or remove the Swedish Fish that got lost in my sea of skin folds. Ahhhhhhh, yes, just thinking about it right now made me pull up my husband's wool socks, which I have successfully stolen, to my mid calves (and they just slid right back down), and I think I just sunk another three inches into the couch. Yep, it's this time of year that gets me into trouble. There are way too many things that equate for me to become what I hate most in life: a sloth.
Just think about it:
Cold weather + Halloween candy( Thanksgiving dinner + stocking stuffers + Buckeyes) - (lack of sunlight/laziness) + TBS movie marathon of The Christmas Story to the third power x every vegetable in the world covered with cream of mushroom soup and bread crumbs( get togethers + my awesomeness) - any gym activity = Slothigail
The formula is not wrong. All you need to do is use the order of operations, Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally that thing out, find the diameter of my butt and the square root of my cellulite while computing the area of my apathy, and boom...Slothigail is the only answer. I know, right?!? It only makes sense. It's moments like these that make people wonder why I chose to major in English Education. What can I say? It's a gift.
I work all year long to do my New Year's Resolutions justice just to ruin myself October through December. After eating my third turkey and a block of cheese, I quickly chug my fifth gallon of egg nog, then for no reason at all blame my over indulgence on Nutrisystem Commercials or the fact that Alf really is never coming back on TV, which leads to me breaking out the pencil and paper to get myself pumped for making the same darn resolutions...hmmm, I'm like Tim Burton talking to Johnny Depp about a new movie, "Okay, so I want you to do my new, innovative movie. Check it out, okay, so it will be either claymation or a remake of something that's already been done, and you'll play a dead person, right? And you'll have bags under your eyes, right? And there will be a girl, right? And get this, you'll want her, but you can't have her until the end of the movie! Bam! I'm awesome...oh yeah, you'll have to sing a song or twenty." That's me, implementing the same ideas over and over...however, I'm not walking around with billions of dollars, nor have I created a gothic teen sensation of sacrificing guinea pigs to Jack Skellington...so I need to jump on the Tim Burton wagon and tweak my same idea so it can actually work.
I've been tweaking, and this is what I've tweaked (ahhh, that just made me giggle): I'm starting some resolutions now with the goal to be completed by New Year's Day. Yeah, that's right, I'm making new rules to this whole resolution thing. I refuse for any of my resolutions to have anything to with weight loss, exercise, or cyber stalking, so I will start my goals now. By starting now, I will free up my time to create real resolutions, important ones. Like being a better Christian, learning a new Korean word a week, trying a new recipe book, befriending someone at the gym, or finding the answers to life's hardest questions, like why I must put one cup of hot water in my Hamburger Helper when it also calls for two cups of milk? The cold to hot ratio is off balance there, so why must I have hot water? Or finally answer the infamous and toughest question of who, who, who, who, who let the dogs out?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!! (I'm thinking it's the same person who took the cookie from the cookie jar.)
My husband and I recently flew to the states to attend a wedding and have a wedding.We were celebrating the happiness of my girlfriend, Amy, and her fiance, Garrett, at their beautiful rehearsal dinner two weeks ago. A friend asked me why I wasn't drinking a glass of wine with dinner, and I answered with, "Well, these pants have a button, and I'd like it to stay there." The answer could have been seen as cute, but I was being serious. When your clothes are hindering you from eating, tying your shoe, or more importantly, drinking alcohol, you must do something about it, and that's when I thought that something had to change. I woke up the next day geared and ready to go with this new idea! I will not let clothes decide my comfort level! So I wore a dress that did not hug the body (thank you, Amy), and wine was had!!! And after that night, wine shall never be had again...anyway... A week later it took two people and the Jaws of Life for me to get into my own wedding dress when just a few months prior I was able to jump in that thing and zip it myself. Oh Abigail, what have you done to yourself? These two weeks of breaking into a sweat by squeezing into pants made me think if I could actually justify holiday behavior when I'm already struggling to fit in my pajammies. (My husband actually had a "sweat pant intervention" and asked that if I insist on wearing sweat pants all the time, can they at least be girl sweat pants. He makes a good point. My heather gray men's Hanes sweat pants are not the most flattering, but there's something about having the waist pulled up to my arm pits that make me feel thinner...hmmm. I hear ya, sweetheart.)
So with that being said, it's time to switch it up and do something new. It only makes sense: new husband, new country, new life, new wool socks, new approach to resolutions. You'll also see a lot more blog activity because I will be updating you often on the resolutions, so that means that you all have to hold me accountable. My resolutions are listed in no specific order:
Lose .5-1lb a week
Maintain the "no curse words" rule (my husband and I are now two months free of using no curse words!!)
Lose .5-1lb a week
Finish the Insanity Workout
Lose .5-1lb a week
Blog once to twice a week
Lose .5-1lb a week
Have back bedroom unpacked
Lose .5-1lb a week
Implement our "eat out only twice a month" rule
Lose .5-1lb a week
Research how to use coupons
Lose .5-1lb a week
Lose .5-1lb a week
Lose .5-1lb a week
And those resolutions will be completed by New Years, and they will not be put on my resolution list! Again, I will update often on how it's working out, and I will be completely honest about everything. This is a genius idea and they only come to me about once an hour, so use it while it's here, sister. I suggest making your New Years easier by starting now and freeing up that list you'll make on January first but then throw away on January fifth. I'm actually excited about this. Watch out husband of mine, I'll soon be wearing pants minus a drawstring or elastic...but I'm keeping the wool socks no matter what size I am.
(BTW: The cookie jar game, that game never lasted long when I played. They'd chant, "You took the cookie from the cookie jar," and while they were waiting for the famous, "Who me?" I'd answer with a simple, "Yes..yes, I did." Game over...Abigail always took the cookie...my inner fat kid sabotaging me once again.)
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
INSANITY...it is what it is...
Sooooooooooo....I guess you could say that I like to workout. However, if you take the amount that I like to workout and times that by agajabillion, that's how much I love to eat. Therefore, I am in a continuous circle of sweating then eating, eating then sweating, and on the uber gross days, sweating while eating or eating causing sweating. Having this psychotic addiction to food would be a total load of crabapples if it wasn't for the simple fact that I like to workout...there just happens to be a few days here and there that I forget that fact and plant my sweatsuited self on the couch with the Kindle.
Eyes getting blinded by sweat, heart pounding out of the chest, gasping for breath to prevent passing out, screaming out loud in agony or accomplishment, fighting off dizziness, blisters forming on hands and heels, teeth grinding, brain planning, stomach squeezing, legs cramping, hair hurting, muscle ripping happiness....and no I'm not describing childbirth or me trying to fit into skinny jeans, I'm talking about that part of fabulous delirium that can come from a good workout. I'm always trying to find something new to keep my body guessing. The worst part of doing the same thing over and over, like teaching nine Zumbas a week, is my body getting used to the activity. It takes nothing short of pulling a car uphill both ways for my body to go, "Oh, this is getting a little tough." I love having the energy, the ability, the power, the strength, the results (somewhere under this permanent winter coat of a body), and the drive. I'm not saying that everything is just a cake walk, but I do like to keep it challenging...so my husband introduced me to INSANITY.
Usually, you cannot get me to workout at home, I have no want or motivation, but I've heard so much about this program that I became intrigued. Also, my amazingly amazing husband said that he would do it with me...yes, please! My gorgeous husband working out beside me every morning, I'll take it! I have my own personal motivator right there beside me. Why would I say no to that? If you have never heard about INSANITY, YouTube it right now, and then come back to reading this. Okay, are you good? So you're all caught up to speed? Okay, looks doable, right? Looks tough but fun, right? Well, try it...
My husband and I were (notice the past tense) super excited about starting this program, following through every day, and tracking the results. This is a nine week program: four weeks-one week-four weeks.
Week 1: We jumped out of bed early each morning and did the workout to the best of our ability. We listened to Shaun T, took his notes seriously, and pushed it to the max. We felt proud, tired, excited, and accomplished.
Week 2: Oops, we overslept a little, but that's okay because we did it that night after work. We were familiar with Shaun T's instructions, felt more comfortable with the moves, and encouraged each other through the hard parts. We felt good, motivated, and knew what to expect.
Week 3: Oh no, we forgot a day, well, it's okay to double the workouts on one day, right? We felt like the workouts were a black cloud hanging over us on some days, we say stuff before Shaun T does because we now know every word of the videos, and we don't feel like it's getting any better. We felt burdened, irritated, comfortable, and stronger.
Week 4: Well, we have to rearrange the schedule a little bit because we missed a day...what in the world are we going to do next week when we fly to the states? We do the workouts, talk back to Shaun T and tell him to shut up, and we continue to "boo and hiss" the program for the rest of the day. The workout honeymoon is over...
Yeah, I know, right? What happened to my love for working out when it comes to this program? It's still there, I promise. I actually feel antsy until we do the workout because the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it is addictive. First of all, it makes me sweat like Paris Hilton on an episode of Are You Smarter Than A Light Switch. Thank goodness that we have wood floors in our livingroom because it is disgusting. We pour the sweat because we are genuinely having to work. Second of all, Shaun T makes you stretch twice. As much as I love to workout, I hate to stretch; why...I don't know. But he forces us to do it, and we do it, and that takes away a lot of soreness. Third of all, there is no equipment required; it relies solely on your body weight, so yeah, I've got quite the workout ahead of me. Finally, my husband and I really do feel ourselves getting stronger in some areas. As much as we hate it on some days, it works.
Physical results, well, I don't see any, but that's because I'm not following the diet plan. I can tell you that if I gave myself a chance and cut out all of the crap that I love to consume, then physical results would be booming. I notice some on my husband, and he notices some on me, so they just might be there. We're excited about continuing with this program, but we'll be even more excited when it is over! I do plan to adhere to an appropriate diet when doing the second half of the workout to see what the true results will be. I might even take pictures..baaahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa. That's laughable. So, my personal opinion is I think this is a killer workout. It's repetitive, but effective. If you are thinking about this program, here's my advice:
Keep a towel with you. If you don't, you will pour the sweat, slip, and break your face, and then you have two problems on your hands...the need to workout and a broken face.
Be consistent and always try to do it the same time of day. We've done it both in the morning and evening, and there are different results...I like the mornings the best. I get pumped...to take a nap :)
Do not skip a day. Just don't...hold yourself accountable.
Do not skip the stretches; those are probably the most important part of the program.
Do not get mad at Shaun T; he's there to help you, so if you cuss at the screen, I'm, oops, you're just wasting energy.
Do not eat four doughnuts before the workout (Abigail learned her lesson). Do not eat a bag of candy corn and a bag of a circus peanuts before the workout (Reuben learned his lesson). We've never been so miserable. I actually swore off doughnuts for that entire night of sleep.
So, the Newtons are halfway through this program, and when we finish, I'll have a final post about it. So if you're ready to feel like you just got beaten so hard that you could throw up someone else's dinner, then I suggest this workout. If you start the workout and think to yourself, "Well, this isn't so bad, this is kind of easier than what everyone made it out to be," you're either pulling a Bev Perdue and blatantly lying to the world, or you're not giving it all that you have. Also, if you do it, don't think about how the results look, because I don't look any different, but focus on how they make you feel, because they make me feel great...or angry...or dead to the world...or as my husband says, glad...glad that we made it out alive!
Eyes getting blinded by sweat, heart pounding out of the chest, gasping for breath to prevent passing out, screaming out loud in agony or accomplishment, fighting off dizziness, blisters forming on hands and heels, teeth grinding, brain planning, stomach squeezing, legs cramping, hair hurting, muscle ripping happiness....and no I'm not describing childbirth or me trying to fit into skinny jeans, I'm talking about that part of fabulous delirium that can come from a good workout. I'm always trying to find something new to keep my body guessing. The worst part of doing the same thing over and over, like teaching nine Zumbas a week, is my body getting used to the activity. It takes nothing short of pulling a car uphill both ways for my body to go, "Oh, this is getting a little tough." I love having the energy, the ability, the power, the strength, the results (somewhere under this permanent winter coat of a body), and the drive. I'm not saying that everything is just a cake walk, but I do like to keep it challenging...so my husband introduced me to INSANITY.
Usually, you cannot get me to workout at home, I have no want or motivation, but I've heard so much about this program that I became intrigued. Also, my amazingly amazing husband said that he would do it with me...yes, please! My gorgeous husband working out beside me every morning, I'll take it! I have my own personal motivator right there beside me. Why would I say no to that? If you have never heard about INSANITY, YouTube it right now, and then come back to reading this. Okay, are you good? So you're all caught up to speed? Okay, looks doable, right? Looks tough but fun, right? Well, try it...
My husband and I were (notice the past tense) super excited about starting this program, following through every day, and tracking the results. This is a nine week program: four weeks-one week-four weeks.
Week 1: We jumped out of bed early each morning and did the workout to the best of our ability. We listened to Shaun T, took his notes seriously, and pushed it to the max. We felt proud, tired, excited, and accomplished.
Week 2: Oops, we overslept a little, but that's okay because we did it that night after work. We were familiar with Shaun T's instructions, felt more comfortable with the moves, and encouraged each other through the hard parts. We felt good, motivated, and knew what to expect.
Week 3: Oh no, we forgot a day, well, it's okay to double the workouts on one day, right? We felt like the workouts were a black cloud hanging over us on some days, we say stuff before Shaun T does because we now know every word of the videos, and we don't feel like it's getting any better. We felt burdened, irritated, comfortable, and stronger.
Week 4: Well, we have to rearrange the schedule a little bit because we missed a day...what in the world are we going to do next week when we fly to the states? We do the workouts, talk back to Shaun T and tell him to shut up, and we continue to "boo and hiss" the program for the rest of the day. The workout honeymoon is over...
Yeah, I know, right? What happened to my love for working out when it comes to this program? It's still there, I promise. I actually feel antsy until we do the workout because the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it is addictive. First of all, it makes me sweat like Paris Hilton on an episode of Are You Smarter Than A Light Switch. Thank goodness that we have wood floors in our livingroom because it is disgusting. We pour the sweat because we are genuinely having to work. Second of all, Shaun T makes you stretch twice. As much as I love to workout, I hate to stretch; why...I don't know. But he forces us to do it, and we do it, and that takes away a lot of soreness. Third of all, there is no equipment required; it relies solely on your body weight, so yeah, I've got quite the workout ahead of me. Finally, my husband and I really do feel ourselves getting stronger in some areas. As much as we hate it on some days, it works.
Physical results, well, I don't see any, but that's because I'm not following the diet plan. I can tell you that if I gave myself a chance and cut out all of the crap that I love to consume, then physical results would be booming. I notice some on my husband, and he notices some on me, so they just might be there. We're excited about continuing with this program, but we'll be even more excited when it is over! I do plan to adhere to an appropriate diet when doing the second half of the workout to see what the true results will be. I might even take pictures..baaahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa. That's laughable. So, my personal opinion is I think this is a killer workout. It's repetitive, but effective. If you are thinking about this program, here's my advice:
Keep a towel with you. If you don't, you will pour the sweat, slip, and break your face, and then you have two problems on your hands...the need to workout and a broken face.
Be consistent and always try to do it the same time of day. We've done it both in the morning and evening, and there are different results...I like the mornings the best. I get pumped...to take a nap :)
Do not skip a day. Just don't...hold yourself accountable.
Do not skip the stretches; those are probably the most important part of the program.
Do not get mad at Shaun T; he's there to help you, so if you cuss at the screen, I'm, oops, you're just wasting energy.
Do not eat four doughnuts before the workout (Abigail learned her lesson). Do not eat a bag of candy corn and a bag of a circus peanuts before the workout (Reuben learned his lesson). We've never been so miserable. I actually swore off doughnuts for that entire night of sleep.
So, the Newtons are halfway through this program, and when we finish, I'll have a final post about it. So if you're ready to feel like you just got beaten so hard that you could throw up someone else's dinner, then I suggest this workout. If you start the workout and think to yourself, "Well, this isn't so bad, this is kind of easier than what everyone made it out to be," you're either pulling a Bev Perdue and blatantly lying to the world, or you're not giving it all that you have. Also, if you do it, don't think about how the results look, because I don't look any different, but focus on how they make you feel, because they make me feel great...or angry...or dead to the world...or as my husband says, glad...glad that we made it out alive!
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