I swear that my students could make a list of the top ten things I say the most; in fact, I have in the past and got interesting feedback: “Where’s my coffee? I hate Twilight. Answer with confidence. I can hear gum. You’re not allowed to say ‘I don’t know.’ I just work here. Have you heard this Salty story? We speak English, not American. I hate technology.” It amazes me what they retain for the long haul. I ask them what the basic building blocks for the English language are and they answer with Legos, but they can always find my coffee and could write adventure novels about my cat Salty. Something that warmed this girl’s heart was when they always managed to put this quote on the list: “You create your own environment.” In other words, you always have control of the situation. Here’s an example: I can’t count the many high school breakups I have seen occur. The newly shattered soul will come into my classroom and say, “Hey, I wrote a poem to express my feelings; I wanna know what you think about it.” I read these poems and they all go something like this, “The skies are black; the grass is black; all is black because death, rage, and sorrow pour from the sun, and my heart, oh my purposeless heart has been ripped from my chest and there is a now a hole. A hole never to be filled like the center of a chicken-ring-thing on a Friday afternoon..etc.” After I finish reading the poem, I remove whatever sharp object I stabbed in my face to relieve myself of the torture of reading such a delightful message and have a talk with my heartbroken puppy dog of a student. My message is simple and memorable, “You create your own environment. If you want to feel this way, then feel this way. It’s your choice, and choosing to feel better or to make a change is still an option.”
This is simple advice which is followed by an automatic eye roll and a comment that refers to me never being able to understand what they’re feeling because I’m just too old (uhhh…I’m twenty-six there, kiddo; I didn’t realize menopause was just around the corner at the age of twenty-eight). “Why, Abigail, are you wasting someone’s precious time telling such a story? Get to the point!” Holy moly, okay…sorry about that; I told you I was fighting my inner fat kid. She’s all upset because I mentioned chicken-ring-things: DELISH! Anyway, I have already told you previously that I am a hypocrite, so it’s expected that I don’t follow my own words of incredible wisdom. Many people in my life have heard my constant complaints, and they all say to me my own advice but with different wording, “Well, if you don’t like it, change it.” Ahhh, yes, that’s it! That’s the cure for all. Thank you, people, for such profound guidance. All I need to do is change it! Why haven’t I thought of this before? Why have I spent up to thirty hours in the gym each week? Why have I weighed and measured every bite of food? Why have I tried detox methods? Why have I worried myself to sheer exhaustion when all I needed to do was change it? I didn’t realize that my dieting-food-junkie obsession was a light switch that just needed to be turned off. I can turn it off? Yes, please!!! Sorry for the rant, but even I just bored myself with the over use of sarcasm.
When my peers say that to me, I can understand my students for a split second when they think I’m too old to understand. I guess I am trying to say in a roundabout way that there are those of us who really do endure this constant self-criticism, and I promise you, it’s not a choice. We do not choose this life; it just is what it is. Even though we frustrate the people around us when we say our “I’m fat” mottos, we are equally, if not more, frustrated because we genuinely feel this way. I get incredibly irked when I breath my ‘I’m fat’ in front of someone who happens to weigh more than I do, and then they lay into me. They tell me that I’m being offensive to them because if I think I’m fat, what do I think about them. Seriously? Grrrr, I’d love to have two seconds of freedom from thoughts about myself to answer that posed question. Please understand that we aren’t judging others, just ourselves; so chill out! Enough of that soap box moment…
But, my lovely darlings, I guarantee we don’t always need to play the role of the victim to ourselves. There are always things to celebrate, find one. So, my challenge to you is to train your inner fat kid and switch up the way you say ‘I’m fat.’ Those words are overused anyway. I want everyone who says this to themselves to add a few more words to the statement: “I’m fat, but…” and follow it with something worth celebrating. Even if it is something as simple as, “I’m fat, but I’m here.” I don’t need to give you a thousand different scenarios as to why those words are important. Why am I allowing the ‘I’m fat’ part? Because that is a real problem that we have, and it isn’t a problem with a quick fix. Recognizing the absurdities of those words will take time, so use them to your heart’s desire.
For those of you who hear your friends chant those evil words, don’t get frustrated. For those of us who believe those evil words, switch it up. If you can believe the negative, you can believe the positive. I’d love to hear what your new motto is, so please share it with me and inspire others to find their celebrations. Okay, here I go: I’m fat, but I’m Abigail Newton…and that’s everything.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any cravings that may occur during posts. I cannot supply chicken-ring-things, nor would I know how. If I did, I would eat them…all…with that incredibly weird, runny, amazingly satisfying BBQ sauce offered in the lunchrooms. Thank you, and if you have chicken-ring-things, then quit hoarding them and help a girl out!
