Extra, Extra...Girls Who are Happy with their Bodies...!

     I am consistently inconsistent; this is something that I tell my students the first day of school every year. At that moment, it means nothing to them, but after a few weeks, they completely understand that Mrs. Newton can change directions, moods, rules, facials, and assignments at the drop of a hat. It doesn't sound fair, but I never do it in a way that hurts them. If anything, I keep my kiddos on their toes in the most relaxed way possible, which almost seems like a contradiction. I'm not just like this in my classroom; it's me in a nutshell. For instance, I just told my husband I was going to go to my classroom to do lesson plans and then go to Wal-Mart, but now I'm typing...ehhh. I know my life would be a lot easier if I could be consistent in my practices, but the only thing I have ever been consistent in is hating my body. Yep, I went straight there. No funny little comment to ease us in that topic. It's like BOOM, here she goes again! As I've stated billions of times before, I have no idea what I would put my hating-Abigail-body-energy towards if I didn't hate it. It's such a farfetched idea that it could have it's own Twilight episode. I mean, really, how many before and after pictures have you seen on this blog. No one should have that many before and after pictures in a single year. Just learn it right the first time, Abigail!!

     I know I've posted this stuff before, but like any author who writes a series, they always spend those first few pages catching the "just now joining the club readers" up to speed. I have issues; I have issues that date back to too early in life to have issues, but I did...

• In second grade, I didn't want to go to the pool because I was too fat. I cried and cried and cried, got it out of my system, put on that faux second grade carless look, and went to the pool. 
• After embarking on a family road trip to visit my Mamaw in North Carolina during the summer between third and fourth grade, my Mamaw said upon seeing for the first time in months, "You're so skinny!" And I thought..."impossible..."
• As kids, we were given lunch money. My family thought I liked to save money because I never spent it at lunch. I couldn't stand eating in front of other kids. I thought they'd judge me. 

These were just a few of my daily thoughts in elementary school. It grew worse, ranging from instances of binging and purging, spending up 30 hours a week in the gym, developing an irrational fear of food, abusing sleep aids to sleep through periods so I wouldn't eat, and countless other routines that revolved around my body and food. Unfortunately for me and my husband, it continues to grow. When my husband and I started to date, I told him that he had to understand that I had problems and that they were going to be a big part of our relationship. For awhile, he fought it, he then learned and understood it, he's helped me overcome some habits, and he talks me through the hard times. It exists within me all of the time. It's one of my best kept secrets that I shout from the rooftops. This has been my only consistent behavior, and it's exhausting.

     Now, let's fast forward to today and why I felt the need after many months of not writing to write. I am a cheerleading coach to an amazing group of girls, gorgeous girls, like they didn't make girls like this when we were in high school kinda girls. And before I go further I must give my forever ago HHS squad a shout out because I felt/feel this way about y'all, too. Though now y'all are graduating college, getting engaged, teaching school, and making me feel old, I still share these same thoughts with y'all. In truth, I feel this way towards all of my students, mainly the female students, but there's always that special bond shared between the coach and her athletes. I have one want for my girls: I want them to feel capable.

     Rumors quickly spread about the arduous, Nazi-like regimen I was going to put my girls through when I would become their coach. Smoothie and juice diets only, five mile runs before school every single day, and they must weigh a certain amount to be on the squad. That sounds like me, right? "Hi, I'm your new coach; please allow me to crush your soul...NOW RUN!" Needless to say, the girls quickly learned that they were just rumors. Can the girls drink soda or eat candy at games/practices? No. Is that because I'm worried about their weight? No. Is that because the girls need to fuel their bodies with the appropriate foods and fluids when partaking in athletic activity? Yes. It goes without saying that my rules are appropriate for anyone in constant training. Now, do I tell my girls they are beautiful? Yes. Do I compliment their hard work? Yes. Am I their biggest non-family member fan? Absolutely. I've not once ever said anything about their weight whatsoever. I want my girls to feel strong, capable, and confident. No matter what it is in life, I want them to think, "I am worthy of that, and I am capable of doing it."

     This summer, some of my girls were able to join me for a Crossfit workout that was for women only. At the start of the workout, some of the coaches read a piece about the strength of a woman and obliterated a scale with a sledge hammer. I literally wiped tears from my eyes and was so happy that my girls could witness an action that spoke louder than words. They watched women crush workouts, and they were proud to be in their presence. One of my girls said to me, smiling, "These are like regular women. They aren't body builders or super models...they are normal...and they are happy to be normal." YES! LESSON TAUGHT AND LESSON HEARD! You don't have to be a centerfold to be happy with your body. You don't have to kill yourself with diets and exercise to be strong and capable. You can be you!!

     We live in Louisiana; it's hot. Just a handful of days ago I made a bad judgement call and allowed the girls to practice in their sports bras. I didn't tell them to do it, but I didn't stop them from doing it either. I literally take the blame for that. But to be honest, I kept thinking, "Never in my life would I ever have the courage to take my shirt off." I was in awe of their carelessness. They weren't trying to suck in--not that a single one would need to--they weren't hiding their stomachs with crossed arms, they weren't maneuvering their bodies to hit skinny poses...they were busting their butts and giving me their all. Long story short, the girls must wear appropriate practice attire; I'm a big fan of that rule. Because of some things that were said outside of the squad, I saw everything that I instilled in them over the summer diminishing. My girls started feeling shame for their bodies. Sigh...

     Don't worry, though. I'll catch them back up to speed. I'll do everything in my power to keep my girls away from my one consistent behavior. I was so happy to see them comfortable in their own skin...teenage girls...comfortable...??...Right! It was a moment that meant so much more to me than it did to them. I've spent every minute of my life covering myself and wishing things were different, and here are these awesome girls who don't even give that negative energy a second thought. If I was a passerby, I would have stopped and said, "Way to go, girls! Way to be you!!" And yeah, even though it was inappropriate, I'm still proud to have a group of girls that are CAPABLE of embracing who they are. Here's to teenage girls accepting their bodies and being happy with themselves. God knew what he was doing when he gave me these girls; I have as much to learn from them as they do from me.