Welcome Back, Bread! You Have Been Missed!!

DISCLAIMER: This is probably full of grammatical errors, but I just got done writing two or fifty papers for school, so I'm out of intelligence.

    It has been a few weeks since I have posted anything, and I've had a lot of people ask about the Slow Carb Diet. Here's my answer:

First of all, if you notice the details of the picture, you will find that, yes, my husband and I do have the same profile picture because we are that adorable; the date does state August 30, so I've been off for a good week or so; and also, I have mastered the art of screen shots. I love this option. I feel techy.

Whoa, watch out, I just hit you up with another screen shot just because I could. You never know when one is going to happen, it's like you're reading, and then BAM, screen shot! I'm on fire. Anyway, as always, I must get back on topic, and it is taking every fiber of my being not to throw up another screen shot, so I better move on...
     So yeah, no more slow carb for this girl. It was fun in a suicidal kind of way in the very beginning, but after a few weeks of the same ol' same ol', I was going to crack. I was also fearing for my health on Saturdays. Saturdays quickly went from a day of caloric celebration to day of concern if I was going to be admitted into the hospital for snorting powdered sugar. I was giving myself too many cheats. Then before I knew it, Saturdays started becoming Friday nights which led to Friday days which are technically Thursday nights, and they all conclude to Sunday mornings, but that's okay, because tomorrow is Monday! Do you know how many farewell meals I've had this week let alone this month??? I've been doing more damage to my body preparing for a diet than just being me not following a diet: "What? The diet's tomorrow??? Quick, to the doughnut store where I shall not feel shame, for it is my farewell meal, and I am allowed to consume 46, 000 calories in an hour! All because tomorrow is Monday! And do you know what happens on Monday??? Well...no, seriously, I'm looking for an answer here..." Every Monday I wake up with great intentions, and then something stupid happens, like my cat meows, and then I'm like, "Well, all signs point to a Snickers. Seyo meowed; my one hour diet is ruined. Time for my farewell meal to get ready for Tuesday."
     This is probably the fastest I have ever gained weight, and it's all because I'm terrified of the Slow Carb Diet. As you saw in the aforementioned screen shot, not this new one:

but the one up top, I had to tell my will-powered husband that it was over. Later in a conversation, I told him that I'd much rather feel guilty on a Thursday for eating a couple of Oreos than ecstatic on a Saturday for eating a whole package. I'm sorry, world, this just wasn't for me. 

    I know I have said this time and time again, but I'm done with this fad stuff; I'm serious this time. I posted not too long ago that I was over educated and that made it hard for me to commit, and then what did I do? Read a book on why to hate carbs. That was stupid. I did learn a lot about myself during the diet, though: 

I do have the ability to model will power; I just don't like it

I don't have to eat cake batter when making a cake; the cake will still be made if I don't eat batter in the process...hmmm, who knew?

I know the difference between wanting to snack, being hungry, and needing to murder

Egg whites...no matter what I do to them, if they lack bread and cheese, they're still just egg whites

If I needed to I can drink black coffee, but there better be a good reason for it

If I run after two carb free weeks, I can get a sever neck cramp...that was weird; it felt like I was growing an Adam's apple

I can eat the same meal three times a day with very little gagging involved

There's a lot more that I learned, but I can't focus because of my full BBQ Chicken Pizza belly. Hey, it was a part of my farewell meal. Tomorrow is Monday, darn it, and I'm being me. I'm going to go back to the basics and just try to live a healthy life. I have some new goals in place, and believe it or not, they are not surrounded by weight loss. But if I go about trying to achieve these goals, weight loss could happen. And I know I said something about a bathing suit picture, but believe me, you don't wanna see this. Give a few weeks of farewell meal detox, and I might feel up to the ch

WHOA...there it is again. That one even caught me off guard. Slow down, heart rate, I can only take so much. Anyway, I was saying that I might feel up to the challenge of doing some more before and after pics. But right now, if I took a pic of something other than my screen, it would look like the before pic to the other bathing suit before pic. Oh, Abigail, why must you complicate things? I will provide this awesome picture for you:

Woot, woot!!! Abigail got second place in her age group at the MWR 10k. That feeling was ten times better than any feeling a scale can give me, and this recent victory brought that custard free clarity. It's time to beat the pavement and do even better next time...with carbs in my system (smiley face).